I could blog about the budget but that would be very boring. So, instead, I am going to blog about ‘the closet.’ This of course would the metaphorical ‘closet’ which all LGTB people are familiar.

I had my hair cut yesterday. Normally this is a benign activity if one does not want to look like Cousin It. My hair was beginning to take on a life of its own so I made an appointment. I had a great hairstylist who I just found but she went on maternity leave. So they put me with someone else. This stylist was not very bright and clearly did not hear the “I don’t want to lose the length” comment I made when we started, but I digress. Here is the conversation:

Hairstylist: Do you have children?

Me: No, we have dogs.

Hairstylist: How many dogs?

Me: Nine.

Hairstylist: What kinds?

Me: (rattled off the nine dogs names, ages and breeds)

Hairstylist: Your husband likes dogs too?

Me: My partner. Yes, my partner likes dogs.

inane chatter ensues….

Hairstylist: So what does your partner do for a living?

Me: She is an animal control officer.

Hairstylist: (hairstylist to rude women colleague (RW for short) Guess how many dogs this woman has? Nine!!!

RW: Do just really like dogs is that why you gather them up?

Me: Yes, we like dogs and we are involved with rescue.

RW: Does your husband like dogs too?

Me: Partner, and yes she likes dogs too.

RW & Hairstylist: Oh, ok.  We get it. We have gay friends. (much eye-rolling on my part)

RW: So, do you just have an aversion to men? Do you, like, hate them?

Me: No, I do not have an aversion to men. It just is.

RW: I don’t understand it.

Hairstylist: (whisks me away to wash my hair and tells me RW is rude) No shit!

RW: You should colour your hair. You are prematurely grey.

Me: No, I have done that and it is too much work.

RW: But you would look much younger.

Me: That’s ok.

RW: You should have your eyebrows waxed.

Me: Clippers, I use clippers on them.

RW: Well, as an eye brow wax professional, I have to tell you that is not a good idea.

Me: Oh well….

This was one weird conversation! I learned that I am totally incapable of being in the closet even when it makes me and others uncomfortable. I think that is a good thing although I am not sure. Clearly, RW needs a personality. I am not sure if it was because she was bored or she really is just that much of an idiot. Very bizarre!

8 thoughts on “The Closet

  1. Is it okay that I laughed, reading this? Maybe we need to only see stylists with a similar IQ to ours.

    It seems weird nowadays that you would get such reactions from people when you say you’re gay, here in Vancouver. It’s not like that’s uncommon. Also, there are lots of dog lovers around.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if what most confused them was that you didn’t want to beauty yourself up. That might be what makes you incomprehensible.

  2. Of course it is ok that you laughed! I was laughing too. Laughing but disturbed…

    I should have told her that the clippers I use are dog clippers…LOL

  3. As the “husband” in this little Dyke dramarama, I can say that I got my hair cut at this same salon once, and only once, a long time ago.
    The place is like the Truvy’s Beauty Parlour in Steel Magnolias, only not as professionally run. Homophobic? Hell yeah. Fat phobic? Check. Can’t understand “I don’t know you and don’t want to share my life story or hear yours”? Check check.
    We are in the hinterlands out here, and I must admit I didn’t marry a close relative, but God, are we really that different? Maybe if I install a gun rack in my Explorer, start playing the banjo and tie all my dogs to logging chains in the backyard, we’ll fit in.

  4. I think they would have fallen over if I had used the word ‘wife’. Although, at some point in that conversation, I did tell them we were married. I said this in response to them referring to Deb as my ‘girlfriend’ – a term I have never particularly liked.

  5. I hate the term “girlfriend”, it’s been a long, long time since I was 12, and we are a married couple, although both the terms “wife” and “husband” are ill-fitting.
    “Spouse”, “significant other”…..ugh.
    “Partner” seems to be the best of the lot. We need to invent some new words!

  6. Eek, Chris, why the hell should you have to closet yourself just to get a haircut? Don’t think that… I’m sorry to hear that the stereotypes of people out in the ‘burbs are true. What a complete dork of a hairdresser. To think such things is ignorant, but to actually let them escape your lips is unthinkably idiotic. Wow.

    As for terminology, girl/boyfriend just suck for anybody over 25, really. I never really liked the terms before I was married. I used to say partner, actually, & then people would assume it was a woman. Also, with ‘partner’ it sounds like you’re running a business together…

    Is it so bad to say wife or husband when it’s a married same-sex relationship? Several of my friends use those terms & it’s easy because they’re already common & everyone understands them to mean ‘married/spouse’. I don’t find people get confused about it when I say ‘her ex-wife’ or ‘his husband’.

  7. I don’t think it’s “bad”, Lisa, just uncomfortable for me. I’d like a word that belonged to us, one that would be distinctly ours should we choose to use it.
    My doctor refers to her husband as her “Sweetie” and refers to Christine as my “Sweetie” when we are talking about her. Str8t people have problems with labels, too, I guess. 🙂

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