Plastic Buttons

Ok, so apparently plastic buttons can break. Who knew? Well apparently Craig over at ‘Our Green Year‘ knew. Deb will get right on chopping down a tree and whittling herself a new button. Maybe she could just use one of the bigger pieces of hog fuel in the yard. I just hope she has all digits intact once she is done.

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Published in: on April 25, 2009 at 10:00 am  Comments (2)  
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  1. I tried looking in the yellow pages for “buttons, wooden” and was referred to the “fuck, what the” section. I guess Craig the Sage hasn’t persuaded many of his slavish followers to go all Amish.

    So what to do about an earth-friendly button, because truthfully, me running loose with unbuttoned pants is not friendly to anything…animal, vegetable or mineral. I’m not handi-crafty, either (and I know that’s not a word). Ah, a dilemma.

    I gave a lot of thought to the materials I’d need for a regulation size wooden button. The wood has to be the right colour, so as not to clash with the cloth it is holding together. A Swiss Army Knife would probably work to whittle a little round fastener, but the tiny holes, what to do about those tiny holes?

    Being a closeted Greenie, (who knew?) I decided that a tree which had fallen victim to the spruce bud worm would be perfect for my project. All I would need is enough gas to drive my truck several hundred kilometers to a source of the trees. I’d need a chainsaw to cut down all the trees I’d need to find that perfect one with four exquisitely spaced holes. I’d need a fully stocked First Aid kit, or an ambulance standing by (see chainsaw), and then, after I tried and failed a hundred times to whittle a fucking useable button, I’d need enough gas to drive me back home and to the nearest London Drugs to buy a $0.22 button that left a King Kong carbon footprint and cost a thousand bucks.

    Craig, dude…..I was okay with your suggestion to share your hair with nest-building birds, and even with you dragging your laundry to the nearest river to pound it clean on a rock, but my buttons are sacred…and plastic.

  2. *snicker snicker*


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