Fuck. I don’t know what else to say. My hemoglobin dropped another 10 fucking points over the weekend. I am eating iron-rich foods. I am taking iron supplements. I am resting. What the fuck else is there to do?
I called the hematologist’s office and only got a message back from her secretary basically saying that she would not consider looking at a transfusion until I see her on 16th of December!!! So, I called back, and in my professional voice (meanwhile, the tears are right at the surface) advised them that this is not ok with me. What the hell am I supposed to do. I need to have a life. I went to work today and lasted until the end of my eggnog latte. Then I started to fall asleep in front of the computer. So I called the doctor’s office to get my results and then it all made sense why I felt so fucking crappy. A drop of ten point in 2 days is ridiculous to me. I called my family doc who has gone home with the flu. I asked her receptionist if she would call and put some pressure on the hematologist. The receptionist said I would probably have to come and see here – which means sitting in her office for 2 hours for basically the same result. She has all the blood work I have dutifully gotten 3 times a week for the past 2 weeks. So I called back to get the answer and found out that she has gone home sick with the flu and can barely talk.
I have been a compliant patient. I do everything they ask of me even if I have done it before and it has been a problem. I will try it again just to keep them all happy. Now I would like some results. They can give me a couple of units of blood and I will feel better. I don’t understand why this is such an issue.
I have now struggled with colitis for 5 years. I am done. I want them to take the thing out. I don’t care about a bag. I want an end to chronic pain and anxiety about chronic pain and where the next fucking bathroom is. I am done.
Today I was not the giver but rather the receiver. My co-worker drove me home. It takes 45 minutes and given that we both live in the same neck of the woods, she had just come from there. L took me to get blood work done as I don’t think I should be driving when my hemoglobin is so low that my eyes won’t focus. For the short time I was at work, I told someone that he looked really nice today and that I could see how hard he was working.