I have been thinking about all of the little things I do in a day that may help to make other people’s lives better. I have been processing this NaBloPoMo theme for a couple of days now and I have come to the conclusion that it just does not sit right for me. I am all for doing nice things for other people. For me, the motivation behind the act is more important than the act itself. It was not good enough for me to do something nice and run to my blog and put it there. By their very nature, acts of kindness are best left undiscussed. Once they become fodder for a blog posting they seem to lose their value. One of the values I live my life by is kindness. I try to notice when people need a hand and if there is something I can do I will do it. Sometimes though our kindness is hemmed in because of personal or professional boundaries. These are some of the hardest waters to navigate – you want to do something for nice for someone but at the same time you know that to do so would breach boundaries and change a relationship forever.
Another major part of kindness/mitzvah lies in the not taking credit for it. If I do something and then go on and on about what a great person I am because I did “X” for someone what does that really mean? Did I do it because I wanted to do it or did I do it so that I could brag about it. Acts of kindness are best kept small and quiet. It need only be known between the giver and the receiver.
I also believe that those who receive something kind need only pass on something equally kind to someone else in the future. I remember when I was about 12 years old and I was being tormented by a group of older kids everyday. They would chase me home and beat me up if they got to me. Then one day a neighbour came out and told them to go away. She told me I only needed to make it as far as her house every day and that she would let me come in and hang out until they got bored and went away. As an overweight child I did not run as well as the others, so knowing that this neighbour was looking out for me made all the difference in school that year. I used to thank her all the time but she told me to stop because one day I would be in a position to help someone out and she hoped that I would do it. I assured her I would. In fact, this has been a life lesson I have taken with me and shared with others.
I think I have decided to turn the NaBloPoMo concept of mitzvah on its head. I am not going to talk about what I have done for others, I am going to be thankful for what others have done for me. I have never been one to follow the beat of another drummer. I have my own beat and I like to lead.
I didn’t blog yesterday as I was getting a blood transfusion. I did not have time before and I was completely exhausted when we got home. I had the transfusion because my hemoglobin is way low – 81. Hopefully the transfusion will give me a bump up 91. My hematologist also did a bunch of other tests on my blood and iron levels. I am hoping I am going to be able to get iron infusions rather than having to take it orally. Taking iron orally is wreaking havoc with my bowel and it is slow. Right now, I have a need for speed. All of my other counts are back up in normal range except for my hemoglobin. Ironically, the one that has not come back is the one that affects you the most in terms of energy level etc. Low white blood cells means you may get an infection easier (ok, I know, not so good). I just want to get back to work and back to my life.
Today, I am so thankful to the person who gave blood so that I could have some of it in my veins. The idea of a blood transfusions always freaked me out. I was not sure how I was going to feel with another person’s blood cells in my body. I have to say, I don’t feel any different. I hope to have a bump in energy but I have not felt that yet today. I am going to take it so easy over the next couple of days. I intend to watch tv and sleep. Hopefully after 2 days of complete and utter relaxation my body will feel better.
One thing I have noticed through my 2 transfusions is that I am very tired and cold during transfusions. I am not sure why this is happens. I may be tired because of the 2 ativan I needed to relax enough for the IV to go in. I am ridiculously difficult to put an IV into. The coldness, I am not sure about but I ended up buried under 3 blankets trying to get warm. I was tired when I got home I kept falling asleep while trying to eat dinner. I am hoping with some more sleep and relaxation I will get a good hit from this transfusion. Oh and don’t forget the iron!