Just when you thought it was safe…

I have not blogged much about my older brother. For many reasons (some of which I may blog about later) I cut off contact with my brother 20 odd years ago. I realized , with the help of a great therapist, that every interaction with him cost me something: money, emotional pain, or physical pain. My brother is a psychopath. He has no regard for other  people and none for his family. My mother and my sister also cut contact with him.

Fast-forward to today. My mother got a call from her 2nd cousin with an ‘urgent’ message for my mother to call him. My mother is in no shape to call, so I did. It was clear that he hoped my sister would call. The bottom line is that he wanted money. Claiming that he has depression and agoraphobia he said he had not paid his rent in months. He does not want to apply for welfare, blah, blah, blah.

My mother, sister and I had a conference call and we decided we would do nothing. It sounds cruel but for our own mental health we must keep him out of our lives. Helping him would open up a Pandora’s box over which we will have no control. The decision was extremely difficult to make. It is hard to know that a family member is in trouble and do nothing. We made the decision to protect ourselves. I don’t think it is one we will regret.

Edited to add: Big thanks to Deb who asked really a pertinent question: “What the fuck?”

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Published in: on April 22, 2010 at 9:51 pm  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Sounds like the only good choice to make, for your own sakes, but I can imagine how difficult it must have been.

    • It was a horrible decision to make. But we are not stupid and we know that no good will from contact with him. He is a wiley individual and I am sure he will figure it out. I worry for my mother though because of course she wants to help. Years ago she mourned him as he was never the son she wanted or deserved and of course when pops up the potential is there again. Sad.

  2. I know many people have great relationships with their siblings (as I hope my two daughters continue to), but when I hear stories like this, I don’t regret being an only child…

    • I know what you mean Derek. I am adopted and nothing like either of my siblings. We rarely see eye-to-eye.


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