This last trip to see my family has been a real eye opener in many ways. I have decided to not blog about all of the things said, the insults that flew and the hurt feelings. I will save that for my counselor. What I did realize though is that they do not see me the way the rest of the world does. In my real life no one would talk to me the way they do or say things they say. Both my mother and my sister are miserable in their own lives and they seek to make me miserable as well.
My mother is looking back on her life now and she has realized that her two biological children are complete fuck ups. My brother has been disowned from the family for over 25 years. He has been to prison and he has never been able to refrain from involving himself in criminal activities. He only contacts the family when and if he wants something. I could go on and on about things he has done but there is no point.
My sister is also a complete fuck up. She has never worked for any length of time. Plus she is stupid. I mean really stupid unlike my brother. My sister has never accomplished anything in her life and I doubt she ever will.
Given that I now know they do not see me the way the rest of the world does means that I can endure these visits, knowing that what they see is not the truth. They cannot stand that I have friends, a partner who loves me along with a successful career. I also succeeded at school, earning 2 degrees. My mother believes that my sister is very jealous of my life. My sister lives a miserable life. She is stuck caregiving a man in his late 60s instead of living the life of someone 43. Even if Kathy were not in this situation she would be in some other, equally horrible situation. My sister has never been independent and would have no idea how to survive on her own. She is the ultimate ‘failure to launch.’
My mother and sister are so shallow it is hard to believe. Everything comes down to weight and appearance. They believe I am a failure in that department. My mother in particular was positive that I would never be successful in any career. Instead she thought I would be relegated to a position that was out of sight of the public. It is sad that she is unable to value other things about me.
I was briefly considering talking to Deb about the possibility of moving back to Calgary just so I could look after my mother as her health continues to deteriorate. I have decided though that it would be a disaster on all fronts. It is not safe for me to be in their vicinity for any length of time. I must be able to protect Deb and myself. These short trips are bad enough. Living in the same city she would be so demanding I am not sure we could take it. Instead, I will do some quick trips back to help take her to see her specialist where it will be all business. I am so done.
Tomorrow you can read all about the good part of my Christmas!