December 21, 2018
Exhausted

Well, things have been a clusterfuck here The Swamp. I got cellulitis again. Yesterday we had a huge storm and our power went out for 36 hours. I stayed at a hotel last night because our generator is dead and I need my CPAP. The power outage we were in was very large. BC Hydro generally goes after the large outages first. The longest we waited was when there was a tree down on the tree form at the corner. It affected 15 people and we waited 4 days.

I have been feeling really shitty lately. I can feel tumours coming back in my lungs. I am coughing a bit here and there.⁠1 I am feeling exhausted most of the time. 

Facing your mortality is so difficult. As is typical for me, I keep trying to find a way to solve this problem but I can’t seem to come up with one. There is really nothing to be done but for me to take more chemo and feel even worse. This is not what I want and so I am going ahead with MAiD. 

There is lots more going on in my head but I am too tired to put it in to words.

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1 Power outages and disruptions to my routine don’t really help.

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