Every year I am deluded into thinking Christmas will be better this year with my family. If we can just find that perfect gift or cook the perfect meal everything will flow smoothly. Yet every year I am disappointed. Sometimes we can point to a certain incident where someone drank too much or was out of control.
Everyone seems to hold it together until dinner. This year we thought everything would be fine as my sister was not going to be here for dinner (for my regular readers you will remember that my sister completely destroyed dinner last year with her temper tantrum. So it was my mother who flew off complaining that I did not brown the chicken and that it looked horrible. She then refused to eat any except a tiny piece off the wing.
Those of you who have ever been to dinner at our house will know that I cook a mean roast chicken dinner. My chickens are always good. And the chicken last night was no exception. We can always point to reasons why something happen. After 46 years, I am not sure the excuses matter to me anymore.
The ironic thing about all of this is that my mother always wants a ‘Norman Rockwell’ christmas. It has never happened and it never will. This makes me very sad for her. She has never learned to roll with life. Everything and everyone must do exactly as she wants, when she wants but she never tells us what this is. Instead she leaves us to guess and get it wrong.
Once we returned from Calgary, we had our celebration here. We exchanged gifts and it was much more fun. I discovered that the best gifts are the ones you didn’t know you wanted! Deb did really well in that department this year!
- New pillows – when Deb gave them to me before we went I was a little worried. I am extremely difficult when it comes to my pillows. The last time I replaced them it was a nightmare. I was a little concerned but I decided to be open-minded about it. These pillows are gorgeous. They are feather-filled, king-sized high-end pillows. I used them that night and they were great. I have used them continuously since we came home and they are fabulous!
- Deb also got me a T-Fal Nestlé Dolce-Gusto machine that makes espresso, cappuccino and other drinks. I had always resisted these machines because to use them you have to buy the little pods to make the drinks. Deb was going to take it back. However, after I thought about it I decided to keep it. I don’t drink a lot of coffee so we would not need to buy many pods. It is nice to have a cappuccino once a while. It will be nice for entertaining.
I also got 2 more white gold bangles for my left arm. I will have to get Deb to take a picture. I have 7 now and I think that is all I want. I think 9 would be unwieldy.
We are going to have a friend over for turkey on Sunday which will be the end of our holiday!
This last trip to see my family has been a real eye opener in many ways. I have decided to not blog about all of the things said, the insults that flew and the hurt feelings. I will save that for my counselor. What I did realize though is that they do not see me the way the rest of the world does. In my real life no one would talk to me the way they do or say things they say. Both my mother and my sister are miserable in their own lives and they seek to make me miserable as well.
My mother is looking back on her life now and she has realized that her two biological children are complete fuck ups. My brother has been disowned from the family for over 25 years. He has been to prison and he has never been able to refrain from involving himself in criminal activities. He only contacts the family when and if he wants something. I could go on and on about things he has done but there is no point.
My sister is also a complete fuck up. She has never worked for any length of time. Plus she is stupid. I mean really stupid unlike my brother. My sister has never accomplished anything in her life and I doubt she ever will.
Given that I now know they do not see me the way the rest of the world does means that I can endure these visits, knowing that what they see is not the truth. They cannot stand that I have friends, a partner who loves me along with a successful career. I also succeeded at school, earning 2 degrees. My mother believes that my sister is very jealous of my life. My sister lives a miserable life. She is stuck caregiving a man in his late 60s instead of living the life of someone 43. Even if Kathy were not in this situation she would be in some other, equally horrible situation. My sister has never been independent and would have no idea how to survive on her own. She is the ultimate ‘failure to launch.’
My mother and sister are so shallow it is hard to believe. Everything comes down to weight and appearance. They believe I am a failure in that department. My mother in particular was positive that I would never be successful in any career. Instead she thought I would be relegated to a position that was out of sight of the public. It is sad that she is unable to value other things about me.
I was briefly considering talking to Deb about the possibility of moving back to Calgary just so I could look after my mother as her health continues to deteriorate. I have decided though that it would be a disaster on all fronts. It is not safe for me to be in their vicinity for any length of time. I must be able to protect Deb and myself. These short trips are bad enough. Living in the same city she would be so demanding I am not sure we could take it. Instead, I will do some quick trips back to help take her to see her specialist where it will be all business. I am so done.
Tomorrow you can read all about the good part of my Christmas!
After a well planned and well executed escape we are home. My friend came and picked us up and we had a fabulous time at lunch. Great conversation and lots of laughs! Plus she also gave us some lovely lotions and one from Lush too! We can’t wait to try them. We need to get together again soon!
We were at the airport in plenty of time however, the flight was too full for us to get a middle seat blocked. WestJet has a program where you can get extra space based on a disability. We are going to fill out the paperwork so we never have to go through this again. The last minute wrangling on the flights is always stressful. Luckily we had a really nice woman who sat with us. She and her family are interested in adopting a rescued dog so I am sure we will be in touch.
We are going to open up the balance of our presents tonight and have real Christmas. We will be cooking a turkey sometime during the week and having a friend over for that meal. I am sure that will be a great evening too!
It had been a really hard 5 days since we left. While we were only there for 3 full days it felt like 3 weeks. It has been an incredibly negative and emotional trip – none of it good for either of us. I am off until next week so at least a little time to de-stress and get back to normal. I am so happy to see the dogs!! They make me feel so much better!
I want to go home. Now. That is it until I get home.
Things are going ok as long as I do not engage with my sister who apparently knows everything. She just killed the brand new Cuisinart knives by cutting on glass. I told her glass kills knives. I had to leave the room as I could not stand the sound of a knife being murdered. Right now she is continually trying to get me going but I am ducking and breathing in and out. The smoke is an issue too.
It is so hard for me here. No one really wants to hear what I say. They don’t believe things I say. I just checked the turkey and it is done according to my meat thermometer. Then they all argue with me. I am not used to being treated like this and it upsets me. Maybe I need more clonazepam and Baileys.
That’s it for today. It is really hard to get any privacy and I have visions of my sister ripping my iPad out of my hands to read what I wrote.
Oops. Just about got caught by the brother in law.
I have been Groped!!!!
I am going to try and recreate the blog I wrote yesterday that disappeared off of my iPad. I am positive it will not be anywhere near as funny as the first one.
We arrived at the Abbotsford International Airport (a very well kept secret) and found parking relatively close to the airport. I was expecting huge lineups to check in and get through security. However, when we walked in there were 3 cherry looking WestJet agents waiting to help us. We always have trouble with airline seating. Besides both of us being large women, Deb’s muscles seize because of her MS. Our agent was able to seat us one row in front of the exit row as that would give Deb more room to move her legs.
Then came security. Again I was suspecting a huge line up. There were 3 people in front of us! We went through and my Fluevog boots set off the metal detector. I was then treated to the enhanced pat down. I don’t recall that I had a choice. I told her what caused the metal detector to go off. She asked me if any part of my body hurt. I didn’t bother listing all the areas that are sore because we would have missed our plane. She was gentle and it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be. I also don’t think it was overly effective. Being a larger person she certainly did not pat down some areas. I really don’t feel like it was all that intrusive. Plus the way they do it, with the sides of their hands, it in no way feels like groping. It is not like they grab a part of your body and proceed to grope. I am far more concerned about the x-ray machines present in the Calgary International Airport. I have had enough radiation in my life and don’t really want anymore.
When we got on to the plane, we discovered some snotty bitch sitting in one of our seats. She was refusing to move. The flight attendant asked, pleadingly, if we would please sit in the row behind. Clearly there was going to be a huge problem if we did not do it. This woman did not even acknowledge that she had inconvenienced us in any way. Nor did she even say thank you! I was completely pissed right off by her attitude. I desperately wanted to say something but didn’t really see the point. People who are that self-absorbed and narcissistic are not worth wasting one’s time on. I really did hope that she would manage to fall off of her stiletto heel boots and have one them land up her ass.
My friend Nancy picked us up at the airport so everything went really smooth. I had to get an eggnog latte for a good caffeine fix. It is the first one I have had in a very long time. We got to my mother’s and I drove us downtown in her Lexus (drool) to the Silver Dragon. It was quite amazing that as soon as I knew the address, I knew exactly where to go. This is a very good thing because my mother’s GPS seems possessed! It tried to send us to the States, to Montreal and to Winnipeg. When I started just ignoring it, it kept telling me to find a place to make a safe u-turn. I really have a love hate relationship with GPSs.
Things are going ok so far. I really enjoyed having Calgary Mu Shu Pork. In fact, that is pretty much all I ate for dinner last night. Everyone will be able to hold it together until tomorrow, at which point the fighting will start. Oh and apparently we are going to have a very serious discussion today about what my mother needs in terms of care. If it involves us moving back to Calgary, I am not going to be very happy to say the least.
Well, we are off to Calgary tomorrow. Hopefully it will all go well. I am going to attempt to try to follow some advice I have been given:
- I am going to envision myself suited up in armour – then they can’t get to me.
- I am going to try to not take the bait. My mother is infamous for pressing my buttons. I am going to try to ignore it.
- I am going to be agreeable. I am going to do whatever my mother wants me to do.
- I am going to try to make it a very nice Christmas for her. I will do my best.
- Deb and I will be a team and nice them all to death.
I will attempt to blog while I am away. It does not always work though!
I am feeling very tired and definitely not in the Christmas mood. Nothing much to write today. I wish Christmas would fuck off as I do every year.
We are not even in Calgary and I am ready to kill her. She is trying to micromanage everything even down to what time we are going to get up. The latest screw up was about how we are getting from the airport to her house. Knowing that my sister feels completely overwhelmed in her life, I did not want to burden her with picking us up at the airport. I also did not want to have to sit in the back of her filthy Mercedes where the seatbelts don’t work. I had arranged for a friend to pick us up. My mother then started pushing that my sister picks us up. The day after I finally relented my mother discovered that, in fact, my sister did not want to pick her up. Apparently she has an unreliable trunk (whatever the hell that means!!).
She phoned me after 10 pm the other night suggesting that we rent a car 5 days before we are getting ready to go. I told her there was no way we could get a car now and why would we need one for 3 days in Calgary. The bottom line was that my sister did not want nor did she ever want to pick us up. When I called my friend back his plans had changed so I phoned another friend who graciously agreed to pick us up.
I can only imagine how horrible the 3 days is going to be if she is this bad already. I will be breathing deeply a lot I am sure.