Today is my 45th birthday. I can hardly believe it. I thought I would feel old at 45 but the truth is that I still feel like I am 10 years old. Part of this might be due to the contact with my family lately. My sister called today. I did not answer the phone. I had no intention of listening to her crap today. My mother told me I should call her back after all, in my mother’s opinion, Kathy had reached out and made the first move and I should call her back. I told her I would not be calling her back as I did not really want to be yelled at on my birthday. Normally I would not defy my mother but I did today. I told my mother that until my sister gets help I will not be calling her. She called again, Deb answered and told her I was in bed.
Deb worked so hard to make my birthday good after what happened at my family birthday party. She made me a lovely 3 layer cake with whip cream and mandarin oranges. Exactly what I wanted. Plus she got me some very thoughtful gifts. Knowing how much I love my tea she got me a new glass tea pot and a lovely hand-painted mug. She got me all sorts of fancy loose teas which I will completely enjoy. I commented that I needed a bigger purse – only once and she found me one with a really long strap – just the way I like them!
I am very lucky and I so grateful for my partner and our furry family. Everyone is loving and I am enjoying every moment of cuddling and love I can get. The one thing I have learned in 45 years is that it is important to mark and celebrate the everyday occurrences that enhance our lives. It is these little things that give us the energy to get through the hard days. We also live a life of kindness. Being kind as much as possible creates more of those moments that are central to living life.
Today, the good things far outweigh the bad things. I am in a place in my life where I can control, to a certain degree, what happens to me. I can also control my outlook and to pass around the kindness. Setting boundaries that protect me and my family from toxic family of origin members will be done. Maybe I have learned more than I realize.
Well we are back home from our yearly visit to the Mother unit. Although this year, it appears, we have been roped into going back at Labour Day. Besides all the computer stuff I did for my Mother, there was a great amount of other work accomplished as well. When we got there I helped my mother set up her sun room. My mother is a heavy smoker (who continues to smoke even though she has <a href=”http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/copd/DS00916″>COPD</a>) and if she smokes in her sun room it is not as offensive as it is mostly open. This involved getting rid of the wood for the fireplace, washing down the walls, vacuuming, setting up the furniture etc. As soon as we got there Deb started cooking because she was making a shit load of food for my mother – who doesn’t really eat. The idea is that it is in her freezer so it is easy and hopefully she will eat. She is a tall woman and is down to 127 pounds after being overweight her entire life. Deb made 2 kinds of muffins, soup, meat pies, fruit pies, her special ‘rollups’, and 2 kinds of cookies. She literally did not stop working for the entire time we were there.
It was an exhausting 5 days. Deb and I did really well though. Usually my mother is able to get us sniping at one another but this year we made a decision that we would not allow that to happen. We were supportive and considerate of each other the entire trip. It made the trip so much less stressful than it would have been otherwise.
Right up until the moment we left, my mother was sucking every little bit of attention out of us that she could. It was really sad and pathetic. It is really hard watching parents age and become a shadow of their former selves. I saw this with my step-dad when he died of leukemia in 2004. We talked about some past stuff and my mother said that it was him who insisted he was going to our wedding. This was such an amazing transformation from the man who would not even speak to Deb when he first he met her. My mother has also come around quite well. She does not introduce Deb as my partner but refers to us as her daughters from Vancouver. Not perfect, but it will do.
This post would not be complete with giving kudos to WestJet. We are so lucky that they fly out of Abbotsford. They are so accommodating. Both Deb and I are on the large side and they always manage to find a row to put us in where they can block the middle seat. It makes the flight so much nicer for us and we don’t torture anyone else. Plus they were all happy on our flight home as it was profit sharing day. I have never had a bad experience flying WestJet!