Innovation from The Swamp – the ‘Zoe Diet™’

We have the next new greatest diet plan ever living here at The Swamp! Zoe is our secret weapon. I think if we could market her to normal people we would make a small fortune. Here is why: whenever I eat something she claws my legs and barks at me non-stop until I give her what I am eating. She usually will allot me 5 minutes before she starts her tirade.

Do I look capable of being a tyrant?

If I am eating in the living room she starts by popping up on her back legs and clawing at my chair. This invariably annoys me quickly because we have leather furniture. Then she barks. About every 10 seconds she will let out one bark.[1]

When that fails[2] she will jump up on my footrest and paw my stomach.[3] When that fails to work to her satisfaction[4] she will launch onto my chest. This means that all 20 pounds of her lands on my lungs with her face right in my face.[5] Then I put her down and we start over again, wash, rinse, repeat.

Yesterday I was eating breakfast at my desk. Zoe detected that I could possibly be eating and came into my office. She started clawing at my lower leg.[6] She then stretched up on her back legs and clawed my chair and started barking. I ignored her for a while as I tried to enjoy my eggs and tater tots. Shihtzus are knows for their tenacity and Zoe has that in spades. Finally, I give in and give her a piece of egg. She sniffs it and turns her head away. She doesn’t even like eggs! Then I gave her a tater tot. She didn’t want that either. I thought I was free now that she knew I wasn’t interested I thought I would be permitted to finish my meal in peace and quiet. Huh, was I ever wrong.

It's all lies. Here I am patiently waiting for my turn.

Here is the thing I have learned about living with Zoe: she always gets her way. It does not matter what we do to try to change a behavior we always lose. If I were to put her out of the room while I ate[7] she would create such a raucous noise that there would be no peace for anyone in the house. One time I thought I was going to outsmart her when she was up on my footrest clawing at my stomach for my food. I decided I would suddenly lower the footrest so she landed on the floor. I did it once, I did it a second time and the third time, instead of landing on the floor she launched on my head. I lost.

I need a rest after driving my humans to distraction.

Such is life with a Shihtzu. They are crafty and tenacious. Zoe is a prime example of a self-actualized Shihtzu. She has come a long way from her former puppy mill life. Thanks again to Turtle Gardens for rescuing our little despot. Yvette’s dreams of her becoming a ‘yuppy puppy’ have long been achieved.

So does anyone want to try the Zoe Diet™?


[1] I have actually become very good at ignoring her barking. It fades to background noise for a while anyway.

[2] Which in her little mind means she has not been fed fast enough.

[3] I then tell her: “Zoe, don’t do that it! It hurts mommy.” But she is an evil, Machiavellian dictator and she does not care. For her the ends definitely justify the means!

[4] See footnote 2.

[5] Sometimes I think she wants to take the food right out of my mouth.

[6] I am dreading capri season!

[7] I’d probably gain weight.

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Published in: on April 18, 2012 at 9:39 am  Comments (1)  
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My heart was singing!

This morning after I let the little girls out Zoe decided she wanted to play. So we had a rousing game of ‘go away little dog’. This game consists of pushing away and then when she comes back you gently move her from side to side and then push her away again. Well she loved it! We played on the couch and she would run down then jump off then jump back up then flip over for a belly rub. She was batting my hands with her paws. She reminded me so much of the Chunk it was scary. We need to get some better pics of Zoe but in the meantime here is one of the Chunk in all her glory!

The Chunk was quite the hedonist!

The Chunk was quite the hedonist!

Published in: on September 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm  Comments (1)  
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