Today feels like a miscellaneous kind of day. So here goes:
- It is the Labour Day long weekend. When I worked, I like to take a week off in September as I loved the cooler weather and the trees turning colour. Choosing not to drive right now1, I am going to have to make sure that I get out at least a couple of times to see the colours.
- I am not sure what to do with my head. It’s a scruffy mess. I don’t care about loosing my hair and I have no intention of wearing a wig or anything like that. I may put a hat on once the summer is over. I really don’t care about losing hair, I just don’t want it to look messy. My hair is very thick which is probably why I have only lost about 75% of it. Decisions, decisions.
- I am so grateful to all the friends who have helped us out over the summer. You all know who you are and we are looking forward to hosting you at our house for a thank you party.
- I continue to be grateful for music. I don’t know what I would do without it. Laying back with my headphones and just letting it take me away for a few minutes is such a release and relief.
- I find myself wondering how we got here. How did it go from working part-time and planning to become a life coach to someone who is now has metastatic breast cancer which has no cure. It makes no sense to me. If I had waited when I saw that very vague symptom on my breast, I would likely be dead by now.
- I am sick to death of being in pain. I have lived it with it for so long to now have it get worse because of the chemo makes it so much more difficult to get even activities of daily living. I can’t deal with clutter. I don’t have the energy to move stuff if it’s in the way of what I need. And god forbid, something drops and makes a mess and I am in tears. The CT showed that my left hip is really bad and that my lower back is deteriorating. The hip is due to a car accident years ago. The lower back is all ulcerative colitis related. I have a type of arthritis that people with ulcerative colitis get. It involves 5 joints.
- I have to say that I have been thinking a lot about how I want to die. I don’t want to do it at home. It will be a hospice for me. I also think I want to use the new legislation: Medical Assistance in Dying. It just seems so civilized.
- I am so looking forward for my last 2 chemo doses to be done. I will have a 3-week break when I can get my hand fixed. Right now, getting back to crocheting is keeping me going. I don’t know that I will get there but I gotta have something I can hope to attain.
- A combination of low hemoglobin, anti-anxiety meds and fatigue from chemo makes me think I shouldn’t be behind the wheel. ↩︎