Well, it’s another blog where I don’t have to craft full paragraphs:
- Don’t trust people who don’t like dogs.
- If your dog doesn’t like someone there is usually a reason. Stevie disliked this one person every time she saw him. We though she was just being shy.1 She never stopped barking at them no longer how long they visited.
- Death is something we all have to face at some point in time. All of the secrecy that surrounds death only leads to fear and confusion. I think if we can somehow normalize death – talking about the process more openly instead of in hushed/shamed tones, particularly around children. This only serves to confuse and make them fearful.2
- As we know, there are as many and varied ways as there are human beings to die. The thing is we are all going to do it. Very rarely, do we have an opportunity to say goodbye to our loved ones in a deliberate and loving way. Instead of waiting until I could barely function, waiting for death, choosing to take control with MAiD has made me feel so much more positive about the whole thing.3
- Today, I am having the pleasure to listen to one of my oldest friends cooking and baking while they laugh and have a great time. I knew they would like each other. It is so heartening to see that this is much more of a celebration of me than it is about death. We all know what’s going to happen on Monday.
- I feel good about Monday. I know that I have no other options and that to continue to do chemo will just make me sicker. Sometimes when I look at those women who have been fighting for years, I have to remember that many of them started with lower stages. I am mentioning this because although many of you think I am brave for doing MAiD, I think I am not at all brave. I am avoiding all of the unpleasantness that comes with the advanced decline of death. I am not into someone wiping my ass.
- In many ways I am still reeling from the diagnosis. My year turned out so much differently than I had envisioned last January. We were on track until about mid-March. I have barely accepted the cancer let alone the death part. I am fearful it will enter my brain. I am already somewhat concerned about my balance.
- As much as I don’t want to die, I am also quite accepting of the fact now. My life has been hell physically for well over a decade. I have always had issues with my weight and they have been compounded by my other illnesses. Not having to face another summer, or Christmas or deal with the hard parts of life, I am happy to be checking out. Again not that I would choose to go now however, I am accepting, and, in some ways, I am relieved. The best part is that I don’t have to pack a bag.
- MAiD sent a couple of nurses yesterday to make sure that they could access my port. There was a bit of trouble but I was able to point out one of the edges out and it was fine. I think one of them was a bit nervous so I tried to keep her calm by letting her continue to try. She got it. So all should be fine.
- Now, I am running away from my computer to spend time with my guests who are cooking!
1 She would of course take treats from him because stomach.
2 I know, I’m not a parent but I did work with teenagers for almost a decade.
3 Again, I don’t want to die. My cancer has other ideas.
Dispatches from the Swamp 